“I can’t do this.”
“I’m not good at maths.”
“She is better at drawing than me.”
“This is too difficult!”
Every parent is bound to encounter these words sooner or later in their life. While the natural response is “of course you can,” it may actually be more helpful in this case to see this as an opportunity for something else.
It is not the fact that a child encountered a problem that matters, but the conclusions drawn from this experience. Is it a single difficult math problem that makes a child “poor at math” or does it simply mean they did not find the approach to solving the problem?
That’s the essence of a growth mindset for children.
And for a child, especially for a small one, this change of perspective really makes a big difference. They will learn from their difficulties and not feel judged because of them.
A child doesn’t have to understand everything all of a sudden. They have to believe that it is still possible to learn.
Growth mindset refers to the idea that our skills and abilities can improve through learning and practice.
Consider two students staring at an unfamiliar math problem.
The problem has not altered. But the story being told about the problem has been changed by the child. One is being told that he or she is bad at math. While the other is being told that there is a chance to rethink the problem and seek help.
The story shapes what the child will do next, whether it’s going around the problem or giving it another shot.
Growth Mindset does not guarantee that everything is going to be easy, or that students will be happy with failure. It teaches the kids a more realistic truth about learning.
Fixed mindset refers to having a belief that skills remain constant. A child can feel:
However, a growth mindset makes some allowances for improvement. These thoughts can turn into:
This difference may be subtle in words but significant in effect. The sentence “I am bad at this” shuts down the topic while the sentence “I am learning this” allows space for improvement.
Children will inevitably get frustrated, disappointed or ashamed about their progress. This is normal. It is where the useful part starts acknowledging this feeling and figuring out what to do next.
Childhood sets tasks for its beginners that they have to do anew every single day: read a sentence, play a game, make an explanation, act on the stage, take turns, and solve a problem. There is no child who will come knowing everything about it.
What matters is how he/she understands being a beginner.
Resilience is built by teaching children that a failure need not bring their plans to an end. The work at the Center on the Developing Child of Harvard University demonstrates how resilient children become as a result of support and opportunities to build skills.
The pain of a race lost, of a mistake made in front of everyone else or of a model falling apart can seem overwhelming for a child. An adult knows that the frustration is only temporary; the child has to go through the experience.
It is important not to dismiss that feeling with “Don’t be upset.” It is more useful to first recognize the experience and then open up the possibilities:
“You are disappointed because this was important to you. What do you think you could try next?”
These kinds of experiences, repeated often enough, teach a child that an unpleasant feeling can be acknowledged without letting it determine the outcome.
Sometimes we tend to confuse building confidence in children with a constant supply of praise. Praise is important, but confidence becomes more durable when children have something concrete to show for their growth.
If a kid starts to learn how to ride a bike, confidence does not come from someone constantly calling him a cyclist. Confidence comes from evidence, from falling down, then riding for a few meters, and finally, riding alone.
“I could not do this before, but now I know how.”
It is easier to nurture curiosity among children who do not fear appearing smart. Children can ask the obvious question, try the unlikely solution, and openly acknowledge their ignorance.
This is the gift of the right attitude toward children, where one is neither always optimistic nor pessimistic, but secure enough to be curious, innovative, and independent-minded.
It is not necessary to follow any particular program at home for that matter. These moments occur on their own and parents should make use of them wherever and whenever possible.
Imagine that your child is doing a puzzle and is trying a wrong space for the piece again and again. You could say before correcting him:
“Hmmm… That piece does not seem to fit. How about trying another?”
Now the error becomes useful information. In case of studying, you may use:
An unemotional reaction will convey to the child that an error is something worth examining, rather than hiding away. Repetition of certain phrases by adults can affect a child’s internal monologue, that is why the precise wording is important.
Celebrations of children are also a feature of family life, but what counts is what we observe.
Scientific advice from the American Psychological Association also recommends giving compliments to a child’s efforts, methods used and specific achievements instead of calling them intelligent.
For example, rather than saying “You are such a smart kid!” say “You kept going even when it was hard.”
Instead of “You are amazing at drawing!” say “I noticed the way you worked on all the tiny details!”
In addition to “You scored full points!” say “You understood your mistakes from the last time and worked on them.”
Such concrete compliments will give children some useful tools, because the compliment “You are smart” defines their identity, whereas the compliment “You checked your answer because it was wrong” points at their habit.
One simple word can turn a seemingly fixed statement into an open-ended one.
“Yet” leaves room for the future, but this is only the beginning. The next thing to ask is a practical one: “What could help you figure it out?”
The answer could be another try. It could be an explanation, a simpler step or even a whole new approach. Growth is not just a matter of hope; children need a realistic next step.
Watching a child go through difficulties may be difficult to watch, especially when the answer is right before us. Rushing to help will quietly shift the problem from the child’s shoulders to our own.
If the task at hand is safe and within reach, then take a pause first. Give a hint. Ask them what they observe. Help them break down the process but keep some thinking to themselves.
It is all about providing assistance but not control. Children need help, but should never feel powerless. They need to enjoy the feeling that comes with solving something. Small guided challenges like these help children develop critical and problem-solving skills.
They see the edited version of adult expertise if we do not allow them to see part of the process. It is helpful for them to hear us expressing our doubts, making mistakes at first and improving upon them.
That will not make adults appear incompetent. This will actually reflect a form that expertise usually takes in reality, which is noticing when a strategy did not work and knowing how to move forward.
“How did you do?” is often answered with a grade or one-word response. Questions focusing on their experience can provide a child with much more to consider:
These types of questions can also be easily aligned with social-emotional learning, which includes skills such as self-awareness, self-management, relationship-building and decision-making.
Encouragement needn’t come with an award, a photo and an address every single time. All that may be needed is to bring to the child’s notice some progress that he/she hasn’t recognised yet.
“Do you remember how tough it seemed last month? Look at what you can do now!”
Such confidence is more solid. It is based on what the child has seen in himself/herself.
Such exercises require no planning and their goal is to make it easier to notice progress, strategy and reflection within the family:
Make them playful. The moment any of these exercises becomes another test, its main goal is lost.
Growth mindset can become unhelpful when it is reduced to slogans or used to push children through every difficulty. Watch out for:
Growth mindset is not: “I can do anything if I believe hard enough.”
It is closer to: “I cannot do this yet. I can learn more, ask for help, practise and change my approach.”
A child’s response to challenge affects much more than schoolwork. Managing frustration, asking for help, reflecting on mistakes and cooperating with other people all belong to holistic child development.
Communication, collaboration, emotional regulation, adaptability and problem-solving are not extras that sit beside education. Children draw on them every day, in classrooms, friendships and family life.
The OECD’s international research on social and emotional skills similarly examines qualities such as persistence, emotional regulation, curiosity, empathy and self-control as important dimensions of children’s development.
Children are learning subject knowledge, but they are also learning how to be learners: how to stay curious, work with others, ask for help and recover when an idea fails. Those habits travel far beyond a particular lesson or examination.
At Universal Wisdom School, developing a growth mindset is woven into everyday learning rather than taught as a standalone concept. Through inquiry-based learning, hands-on experiences, collaboration, and reflection, children are encouraged to ask questions, embrace challenges, and view mistakes as opportunities to grow. Guided by our Multiple Intelligences Tree, we recognise that every child has unique strengths and learns in different ways.
Whether through academics, the arts, sports, leadership, or service, learners are given opportunities to discover their potential, build confidence, and develop resilience at their own pace. Complementing this approach, our Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) curriculum nurtures self-awareness, empathy, responsible decision-making, and emotional well-being, while our international learning environment encourages children to appreciate diverse perspectives and become compassionate, globally minded learners. Together, these experiences help children develop not only a love for learning, but also the confidence to keep learning throughout life.
Parents do not need to turn every mishap into a teachable moment. Children learn just as much from the ordinary tone of family life:
Over time, those small responses change the meaning of difficulty. “I failed, so I cannot do this” becomes “That did not work; what can I try next?” The same pause before reacting is central to thoughtful parenting.
That shift from “I can’t” to “What can I try?” is a lesson worth carrying forward.
A growth mindset is the understanding that ability can develop through practice, useful strategies, feedback and support. It matters because children meet new and difficult things every day. When they read difficulty as part of learning, rather than proof that they lack ability, they are more likely to remain engaged, ask for help and try another approach.
Parents can talk about mistakes without shame, notice specific strategies and persistence, and let children work through manageable challenges before stepping in. It also helps when adults model their own learning aloud: “That didn’t work; I’ll try another way.” These habits fit naturally into everyday family life.
A fixed mindset turns present performance into a permanent label: “I’m bad at maths.” A growth mindset leaves room for development: “I don’t understand this yet.” It does not guarantee success or make frustration disappear. It helps a child respond with practice, feedback, support or a different strategy instead of treating the first difficulty as the final answer.
Try a family ‘mistake of the day’, a list of things everyone is still learning, or a folder that compares older work with newer work. When a child gets stuck, invite them to invent two or three possible approaches. The activity matters less than the conversation around it: What changed? What helped? What might you try next?